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下面是读文网小编整理的15则经典英语幽默故事,欢迎大家阅读!
During my second year at university I was having trouble deciding on my major. In a agonizing discussion with my adviser, I decided to double major in astrophysics and theater. Getting up to leave, I said, “ Thanks for your help. But what am I going to do once I graduate?”
My adviser shrugged,“ You could be a star,” he said.
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笑话是一种增强快乐的文化,常常以篇幅短小,故事情节简单,文笔巧妙的形式出现,给人以出乎意料,并且取得笑意的艺术效果的文化。在忙碌的生活,我们也需要偶尔的放松一下自己。下面读文网小编为大家带来外国经典幽默笑话四则,希望大家喜欢!
Annie: Mum,do you know what I’m going to give you for your birthday?
安妮: 妈妈,你知道你过生日我会送你什么礼物吗?
Mum: No,dear,what is it?
妈妈: 亲爱的,我猜不出来,是什么东西呀?
Annie: A nice teapot.
安妮: 一个漂亮的茶壶。
Mum: But I’ve got a nice teapot.
妈妈: 可我有一个很好的茶壶了。
Annie: No, you haven'l. I've just dropped it!
安妮: 不,你没有。我刚把它掉在地上摔破了。
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笑话是一种增强快乐的文化,常常以篇幅短小,故事情节简单,文笔巧妙的形式出现,给人以出乎意料,并且取得笑意的艺术效果的文化。在忙碌的生活,我们也需要偶尔的放松一下自己。下面读文网小编为大家带来外国经典幽默笑话四则,希望大家喜欢!
The woman had been away for two days visiting a sick friend in another city. When she returned,her little boy greeted her by saying, "Mommy, guess what! Yesterday I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and Daddy came into the room with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into your bed and them…”
一个女人离开家两天,到另一个城市去看望一个生病的朋友。当她回来的时候,她的小儿子见到她就说:“妈妈,你猜怎么着?昨天我在你卧室的衣柜里玩,爸爸和隔壁的阿姨走进了卧室,他们脱了衣服上了你的床……”
Sonny’s mother held up her hand. "Not another word. Wait till your father comes home and then I want you to tell him exactly what you’ve just told me. " The father came home. As he walked into the house,his wife said,"I' m leaving you. I' m packing now and I' m leaving you.”
妈妈抓住他的手说:“不要讲了,等到你爸爸回家了,你就把和我讲的全部讲给他听。”孩子的爸爸回来了。当他走近房间的时候他的妻子说:“我要离开你。我现在就收拾好行李,我要走了。”
"But why--"asked the startled father.
“但是,这是为什么?”他吃惊地问。
"Go ahead,Sonny. Tell Daddy just what you told me.”
“讲给他听,儿子,把你告诉我的讲给他听听。”
"Well,”Sonny said,"I was playing in your bedroom closet and Daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into bed and then they did just what you did with Uncle John when Daddy was away last summer.”
“好吧,”那个小家伙说,“我正在你卧室的衣柜里玩的时候,爸爸和隔壁的阿姨上楼来,然后他们脱了衣服上了床。然后,他们就像是去年夏天爸爸不在家时你和约翰叔叔一样。”
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笑话是一种增强快乐的文化,常常以篇幅短小,故事情节简单,文笔巧妙的形式出现,给人以出乎意料,并且取得笑意的艺术效果的文化。在忙碌的生活,我们也需要偶尔的放松一下自己。下面读文网小编为大家带来外国经典幽默笑话四则,希望大家喜欢!
A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police."For example," he said, "when I entered my chambers today,I was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left it on my desk in my bedroom."
一个法官正告知陪审团,不必因为一个证人改变了他已经交给警察的证词就认为他不可信。“比方说,”他说,“当今天我走进我的办公室的时候,我以为我的金表
在我的口袋里。但随后我想起来我把它放在我卧室的书桌上了。”
When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him,"Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn’t sending three men to pick it up for you a bit extreme?"
当法官那天晚上回到家时,他妻子问他:“为什么那么着急要你的表?还派三个人取你的表,是不是有一点过分了?”
"What?” said the judge, "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?"
“什么?”法官说,“我没派人来取表,更不用说三个人。你都干了什么?”
"I gave it to the first man,” said the wife, "he knew exactly where it was."
“我把手表给了第一个人,”妻子说,“因为他很清楚那表放在什么地方。”
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笑话是一种增强快乐的文化,常常以篇幅短小,故事情节简单,文笔巧妙的形式出现,给人以出乎意料,并且取得笑意的艺术效果的文化。在忙碌的生活,我们也需要偶尔的放松一下自己。下面读文网小编为大家带来外国最新幽默故事,希望大家喜欢!
Q:Why did the blind man give up skydiving?
问:为什么盲人会害怕跳伞?
A:It was scaring the hell out of his dog.
答:因为跳伞会把他们的狗吓得魂飞魄散。
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笑话是一种增强快乐的文化,常常以篇幅短小,故事情节简单,文笔巧妙的形式出现,给人以出乎意料,并且取得笑意的艺术效果的文化。在忙碌的生活,我们也需要偶尔的放松一下自己。下面读文网小编为大家带来外国最新幽默故事三则,希望大家喜欢!
A woman with a broken ankle was gingerly hobbling along on crutches as she attempted to walk her dog. Because of her handicap, however, she was having a lot oftrouble keeping the dog under control. Finally, the dog lunged forward, the leash slipped out of her hand, and the dog went running down the street. She called and called, but the dog wouldn't come back. Since she couldn’t chase after it, she eventually gave up and went home.
一个跛脚的女人手里拄着一根拐杖,跟在她的狗后面一瘸一拐地往前走。因为她的腿脚不方便所以很难控制住她的狗,这时牵着狗的链子从这个女人手中脱落了,这条狗沿着马路跑了下去。不管她喊什么,这条狗都不理睬,她也知道自己根本不可能追上,于是她也就放弃了努力,独自一人回家了。
A couple of hours later she heard something scratching at the door. When she went to the door she found her dog standing there with a dead rabbit in its mouth. Upon closer inspection, she realized it was the neighbors' pet rabbit. She knewshe would never be able to tell them what happened, and since they were out of town for the weekend,she hit upon a plan.
几个小时后她听到有什么东西在敲门的声音。打开门一看,她的那只狗正站在门外,嘴里还叼着一只死兔子。仔细一看,正是在邻居家养的那只兔子。她知道决不能让那家人知道这件事。因
为,他们都出城度周末去了,于是她想出了一个好主意。
She took the rabbit into the bathroom, washed it off, and blew its fur dry. Then she took the rabbit back to the neighbors’backyard and put the rabbit back in its cage. She thought the neighbors would discover the rabbit dead and think it died in the cage. They would never suspect what really happened.
她把死兔子放进浴缸里洗干净,用吹风机把它身上的毛吹干,然后又把它重新放回邻居后院的兔笼里。她想邻居回来以后一定会认为兔子是自己死在笼子里的,决不会想到这里发生的一切。
On Monday,there was a knock at the door, and when she answered,there was her neighbor standing there. He asked her if she had seen anyone in their backyard over the weekend. She said no. He said, "Did you see anything strange going on around our house or yard?" Again, she denied seeing anything suspicious. She said,"Why are you asking me these questions? What happened?" He said,"Well,something really strange is going on inmy backyard. On Friday our rabbit died, so we buried it in the backyard. But when we came back from the weekend,it was back in the cage !”
星期一的早上,这个女人的邻居敲开了她的房门。他问这个女人在周末有没有看到什么人去过他家的后院。女人回答说没有。“那你有没有看到什么奇怪的事情发生在房中或者院子里?”这个女人仍回答没有。然后她问:“为什么你要问我这些问题?发生什么事了?”那个邻居回答:“我家的后院出了件怪事。上周五我家的兔子死了,我们把它埋在后院里,可是当我们度完周末回到家后,却发现它又重新回到笼子里了。”
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笑话是一种增强快乐的文化,常常以篇幅短小,故事情节简单,文笔巧妙的形式出现,给人以出乎意料,并且取得笑意的艺术效果的文化。在忙碌的生活,我们也需要偶尔的放松一下自己。下面读文网小编为大家带来外国最新幽默故事三则,希望大家喜欢!
Arthur was sitting outside his local pub one day,enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a Nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
一天,亚瑟正坐在当地酒吧的外面,享受着啤酒的美味,逍遥自得。这时一个修女突然出现在他的桌前,开始谴责饮酒所带来的罪恶。
"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a the blood of the devil!”
“年轻人。你应该为你自己而感到耻辱!喝酒是一种罪过!酒精就像是魔鬼的鲜血!”
Now Arthur gets pretty annoyed about this,and goes on the offensive. "How do you know Sister?"
这时亚瑟感到有些厌烦就开始辩解:“大姐你是怎么知道的?”
"My Mother Superior told me so.”
“我们修道院的院长这么告诉我的。”
"But have you ever had a drink yourself`? How can you he sure that what you are saying is right?"
“但是你自己从来没有喝过,你怎么就知道你说的是正确的呢?”
"Don’t be ridiculous一of course I have never taken alcohol myself.”
“别开玩笑了,我自己当然没有沾过酒了。”
"Then let me buy you a drink,一if you still believe afterwards that it is evil 1 will give up drink for life.”
“那么我请你喝一杯吧。如果你尝过之后还是那么认为,我就一生不再饮酒。”
"How could I,a Nun,sit outside this public house drinking?!”
“我,一个修女,怎么能这样做?坐在酒吧外面喝酒?!”
"I’ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you , then no one will know.”
“我会叫服务员把酒倒在茶杯里的,没有人会知道。”
The Nun reluctantly agrees, so Arthur goes inside to the bar.
那个修女极其不情愿的同意了。然后亚瑟走进了酒吧。
"Another pint for me, and a vodka,” then he lowers his voice and says to the barman,"and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"
“再给我来一杯啤酒和一杯伏特加”,他压低他的嗓音对服务员说,“你能不能把伏特加酒倒在一个茶杯里?”
"Oh no! It’s not that bloody Nun again is it?"
“噢,天哪!是不是那个魔鬼之血’的修女又来骗酒喝了?”
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笑话是一种增强快乐的文化,常常以篇幅短小,故事情节简单,文笔巧妙的形式出现,给人以出乎意料,并且取得笑意的艺术效果的文化。在忙碌的生活,我们也需要偶尔的放松一下自己。下面读文网小编为大家带来国外经典幽默故事四则,希望大家喜欢!
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"The other woman replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."
在一个鸡尾酒舞会上,一个女人对另外一个女人说:“你的结婚戒指带错手指了。 男一个回答说:“是的,人也嫁错了。”
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笑话是一种增强快乐的文化,常常以篇幅短小,故事情节简单,文笔巧妙的形式出现,给人以出乎意料,并且取得笑意的艺术效果的文化。在忙碌的生活,我们也需要偶尔的放松一下自己。下面读文网小编为大家带来经典国外幽默故事三则,希望大家喜欢!
A Mormon bishop,a Catholic priest, and an evangelist were fishing from a boat in the middle of a small lake. The priest realized that he’d left his tackle box in his car, and,not wanting to disturb the other two,got out of the boat and walked over the water to the shore,got his gear, walked back,and started fishing.
一位摩门教主教、一位天主教牧师和一位新教传教士坐在同一艘船上在一个小湖的中央钓鱼。牧师发现他把渔具箱落在他车上了。他不想因此而打搅另两个人,所以他下船从水上走到了岸边。他拿了他的工具,又这样走了回来开始钓鱼。
An hour or so passed, and the bishop began to feel a little hungry. His lunch was back in his car, though. . . So, he got out of the boat .walked over the water got his lunch,came back,and nibbled on his sandwich.
大概过了一个小时,那个摩门主教开始感觉有一点饿。但是他的午饭也放在了汽车里。所以,他下了船从水面走过,拿回了他的午饭开始吃起三明治。
The evangelist,not to be outdone. decided that he’d best go for a walk,too. He mumbled something about going to the bathroom,stood up,stepped over the side of the boat… and splashed into the lake.
那个传教士觉得不能输给他们,于是决定他也下船走一圈。他嘴里嘟嚷着要去厕所,站起身来踩着船边,一下掉进了湖里。
The priest,chuckling, said to the bishop . “Think we should’ve told him about those submerged rocks
牧师乐着对主教说:“我觉得我们早该告诉他那些水中的石头在哪。”
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A woman was walking along the beach when she saw a bottle on the sand. She picked it up and removed its top. Whoosh! A big puff of smoke appeared.
一位妇女正在沿着海滩散步,突然她看见沙滩上有个瓶子。她捡起了瓶子,拔开了瓶塞。呼的一声,冒起一股浓烟。
"You have released me from my prison,”the genie told her. "To show my thanks, I’11 grant you three wishes. But take care, for with each wish,your mate, will receive double of whatever you request.”
“你把我从囚禁中解救了出来,”妖怪对她说:“为了表示对你的感谢,我将满足你三个愿望。但是要注意,你每实现一个愿望,你的丈夫会得到双倍你所要求的东西。”
"Why?" The woman asked. "He left me for another woman.”
“为什么?他为了另一个女人抛弃了我。”这位妇女问。
"That is how it is written,”replied the genie.
“只能如此。”妖怪回答道。
The woman shrugged and then asked for a million dollars. There was a flash of light, and a million appeared at her feet. At the same instant, in a distant place,her husband was down to see twice that amount at his feet.
这位妇女很无奈地耸了耸肩,要了一百万美元。一道亮光闪过,在她的脚下出现了一百万美元。与此同时,在遥远的地方,她的丈夫正在看着脚下双倍数目的钱。
"And your second wish?"
“你的第二个愿望呢?”
"Genie, I want the world's most expensive diamond necklace.” Another flash of light, and the woman was holding the precious treasure. And in that remote place, her husband was wondering what had made so many precious stones come to him from nowhere at all.
“妖怪,我想要世界上最贵重的钻石项链。”有一道亮光闪过,这个妇女的手中便出现了这贵重的宝物。在那个遥远的地方,她的丈夫正在奇怪从什么地方冒出这么多宝石来。
"Genie,is it really true that my husband has two million dollars and more jewels than I do, and that he gets double of whatever I wish for?
“妖怪,我丈夫真的拥有了两百万美元,还有比我更多财宝,而且不论我要什么,他就能得到双倍吗?”
The genie said it was indeed true.
妖怪说确实如此。
Okay,genie,I’ m ready for my Last wish,” the woman said. "Scare me half to death.”
“好了,妖怪,我已经想好了我的最后一个愿望了。”这位妇女说“把我吓个半死吧。”
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Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?
汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?
Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
约翰尼:他害病卧床了。他受了伤
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。
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A poor little lonely old lady lived in a house with only her cat as a friend. One day, the lights went out as she sat knitting; she had been unable to pay the electric bill. So, she went up to the suit and got an old oil lamp from her childhood. As she rubbed it clean a genie appeared and allowed her three wishes.
一个穷困而孤苦伶仃的老太太和她的猫住在一间房子里。一天.她正坐椅子上织毛衣,可灯却熄灭了。因为她已交不起电钱了。于是她走到阁楼_匕找出了一只小时候用的油灯。当她擦拭油灯的时候,一个妖怪出现了,要帮她实现三个心愿。
"First, I want to be so rich I never have to worry about money again.”
“首先,我想变得很有钱,再也不用为钱担心了。”
"Second, I want to be young and beautiful again.”
“然后,我想再变回到年轻时那漂亮的样子。”
"And Last,I want you to change my little cat into a handsome prince.”
“最后,我想让我的猫变成一位英俊潇洒的王子。”
*POOF*
璞!
As the smoke cleared she saw she was surrounded by big bags of coins, and that in the mirror was a young beautiful woman. She turned as the handsome prince walked in the door, held her in his arms and said, "Now I'11 bet you're sorry you took me to the vet for that little operation.”
随着一阵烟雾漫漫散开,她看见自己的周围都是大袋子的钱币,镜子里照出的是一位年青漂亮的女人,在她转身的时候,那位英俊的王子走到了门前,将她抱入怀中,对她说:“现在我敢打赌,你一定为把我送到兽医那里做这个小手术而感到后悔。”
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A man rushes into his house and yells to his w wife,"Martha, pack up your things. I just won the California lottery!”
一个男人冲进家门对他的妻子大声嚷:“玛莎,收拾你的行李,我刚刚底了加州彩券!”
Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
玛莎问:“我是该带冬装还是夏装呢?”
The man responds,"I don’t care. Just so long as you’re out of the house by noon!”
那个男人回答说:“我可不管,只要你能尽快地搬出这个房子!”
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A father had four sons. One went to the big city,where he became a wealthy businessman,the other three remained in their home town. When their father passed away,the successful son was too busy to attend the funeral,but he told his brothers to spare no expense,since he would pay all the costs.
一位父亲有四个儿子。一个儿子到了大城市成了一位富商,另外三个儿子留在了家乡。当父亲过世时,有钱的儿子太忙无法前来参加葬礼。但他吩咐其兄弟们,不要舍不得花钱,一切费用由他来支付。
Shortly thereafter,the wealthy son received an bill for $5,000 from the funeral director,which he paid. But every month afterward he got a bill for $27. Curious about this little item, he wrote to his brothers and asked the reason for the monthly charge.”You told us that we should spare no expense,“his brothers wrote back.“Since you said Dad would like to be in style,we rented him a tuxedo."
事隔不久,做富商的儿子从殡仪馆主管那儿收到了一张5000美元的发票,他付了帐。从这以后,他每月都收到一张27美元的帐票。他对这笔微薄的开销有点儿好奇,于是就写信给其兄弟,想知道其中的原因。
他的兄弟们写回信告诉他:“你告诉我们不必节省。既然你说爸爸的穿着要高稚脱俗,所以我们为他租了一套黑色礼服。”
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一些幽默的英语故事,能提高我们阅读英语的兴趣,从而提高英语的阅读能力,今天读文网小编在这里为大家分享一些经典幽默英语小故事阅读,欢迎大家阅读!
Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”
“Ten.” Jim says.
“Then,” Mother asks.
“Yes, Mum. Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach. Four and six is ten, isn?t it right?”
故事2 十块糖
妈妈问儿子:“吉姆, 如果你有10块糖,吃了4块,那你还有几块糖?” “10块。”吉姆说。
“10块?”妈妈问。
“是的,妈妈。因为4块在我的肚子里面,6块在肚子外面,4加6等于10,不对吗?”
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在日常繁忙的生活中,也不要忘了放松自己的心情。下面是读文网小编为大家带来经典生活幽默故事三则,希望大家喜欢!
While doing renovations in our house,one of the workmen paused to look at a flattering photo of mewearing makeup and a fancy gown.
在给我们家房子做翻新的时候,一个工人停下手中的活来看我的一张盛装照片,照片中的我化了妆,穿着名贵的晚礼服。
I heard him let out a low whistle and ask my son, Joshua,"Who's that?""That's my mom," Joshua answered.
我听到他小声地吹了一声口哨,然后问我的儿子Joshua,“那人是谁?”“那是我妈”,Joshua回答。
"Wow," the man said, "my mother doesn't look like that.""Yeah," my son said, "well, neither does mine."
“哇”,那男人说,“我妈可不是这样子的”。“可不”,我儿子说,“呃,我妈也不是那样子的。”
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在日常繁忙的生活中,也不要忘了放松自己的心情。下面是读文网小编为大家带来经典轻松幽默英语故事,希望大家喜欢!
Tony just finished the training at the Macdolod.
Tony刚结束在当地的麦当劳餐厅的培训。
So he was a little nervous being behind the register for the first time . his first customer ordered a milkshake
当他第一次站在收银台后工作时他不免有点紧张。他的第一位顾客点了一分奶昔。
" tony , " his manager said , " remember to say ' welcome to mcdonald ' s ' to each customer before they order .
经理说, “记得在客人点餐前要说‘欢迎光临麦当劳’ 。 ”
第二位顾客要了一份芝士汉堡。这一回,经理又走近Tony,说:“记得问每位客人是否要薯条配餐。”
这时,一个戴着滑雪面罩的男子走进餐厅,他走到收银台钱,用枪指着Tony的脑袋说:“把钱全拿出来!”
Tony看了一眼经理,想了下,迅速回答:“请问您是要堂食还是外带?”
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